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05/29/2009: "VINDI-FUCKING-CATION"
»Listening: NIN - God Given«
»Feeling: Subdued ^_^ «
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Shit, it's been a while! I've been a busy bee. A busy bee with ADHD.
Speaking of which.. After 3 years of dead ends and therapy I am FINALLY DIAGNOSED! Yes, I have a nice little piece of paper that says that I am, in fact, ADHD. I feel like doing a victory dance on the face of that one bitch I saw at Burrell. After being there 5 minutes she declared I couldn't have it. I'm just depressed! FUCK YOU! My favorite line from her was "You're too overweight to have it." Um, excuse me? Just because I don't run around like a kid with it doesn't mean you should dismiss me like that. Especially since ADHD shows up differently in different people. Some people just don't have it like that. Especially women. You'd think that dumb bitch would know that.
But whatever. She's a miserable bitch and I am finally diagnosed. We go to a clinic run by a psychology school here and that means we've seen a lot of students. Five, in fact, and each one of them couldn't believe the unprofessionalism of the nurse practitioner I saw at Burrell.
But Tuesday morning I FINALLY got a script for Ritalin in my hot little hands. We're starting at the lowest dose and going from there. Jaye was following a Yahoo support group for spouses of people with ADHD and she saw a lot of people talk about how doctors always start out with too high of a dose. Some people even tend to hyperfocus. She brought up a story about one woman who could walk around the house and pick out all the places she could hang a noose. O_O I told her if that happened to me I'd probably walk around and be able to guess everyone's cup size or something.
I've been on the Ritalin for 4 days now and even at this low a dose it's kind of freaky how it's working. Jaye said that she has to get used to the new me. Before, when I was so quiet it was because I was mad at her. Tuesday night I got a glimpse at what Jaye has been going through the past 5 years. OMG. I am sooo sorry. Jaye was super excited about seeing NIN and was talkative in bed while I just wanted to go to sleep. I was annoyed after 5 minutes. I can't believe she went through it the whole time we've been together.
I'm quieter. The hyperactivity has ceased. I can remember the concert we saw Wednesday still. To put it in perspective, when we saw NIN last year and we were driving home I had to keep asking Jaye if they played a song or not.
But even two days later I can remember what they were wearing, songs they played. I can remember the fun of the meet and greet. I can still fucking see it in my head. This is like.. so epic. I am so fucking happy.
I remember Trent's cute little chuckle when we made him laugh. It's... so... perfect.
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